Super Guys Fight Boredom

By: Angela Gillaspie © February 2003

Did you ever wonder what the Super Guys would do if they ever got bored? Hmm.



Spider-man. He has keen sense of perception, and can spin webs. Loves to dance to disco. Recently gained weight and his tights keep giving him a super wedgie. Keeps asking everyone if his butt looks big.

Hulk. He's strong and the madder he gets, the stronger he gets. Can open bottles with his chin and loves bluegrass music. Disco makes him crazier than an outhouse rat.

Aquaman. He can breathe underwater, communicate with marine life, and has superhuman strength. Likes to visit Loch Ness and pretend to be a prehistoric sea monster. Runs a plumbing business during super hero lulls - holds world record for snaking a toilet.


Batman: He has superior intellect and high tech weaponry. Modified his mask to flick boogers up to 60 feet away because he has a sinus problem and his gloves are too thick to pick his nose adequately.

Superman: He is the man of steel, of course. He can knock over buildings, Batman, and trees with his flatus.

Captain America: He has great strength and reflexes. Can belch Battle Hymn of the Republic and loves to watch C-SPAN. Likes to hide stink bombs around the Hall of Justice.



Flash: He is super fast and vibrates through matter causing it to explode. Likes to fart in an elevator and make the doors explode and then pretend he didn't do it.


Green Lantern: He can create anything green with his power ring. Back in the 1960s he was white, but intense exposure to Michael Jackson music turned him African-American. He loves collards and gives them to underprivileged school systems. Can light farts with excellent precision and is a big Bobby LaBonte fan.

Hawkman: He has wings and can fly (he also has flies because he doesn't like to bathe, but that's beside the point). Likes hiding in trees to spit on unsuspecting people, also likes to rub on glow-in-the-dark paint and fly over trailer parks to make everyone think hes a UFO. Has a crush on Wonder Woman.


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Copyright © 2003, Angela Gillaspie
Revised - 2/08/03