Crocodile Hunter Finds God among the Rattlers

By: Gravel Gertie © November 2001

Confidence, Tennessee - During the Rock Temple Church of God's biannual revival last night, Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin professed his sins before the congregation. He cried, "Crikey! What a beaut!" after Reverend Elwin Duck handed over "Hagar" - the church's five-foot timber rattlesnake.

While visiting the states for a possum festival in Memphis, Steve dropped by my neck of the woods to see what I had going on. I told him about the squirrels in Aunt Pearl's attic and he decided to hop in the pick-up and help me do a little catch-and-release.

Steve began setting a trap when he overheard me advising Aunt Pearl about what hair color she should use to match the snake selection at church that evening. He asked if the two of us could attend the services with Aunt Pearl that night to check out the snakes. Why not? After we laid the squirrel traps, off we went to Rock Temple.

Right after the doxology, Reverend Duck preached a moving sermon on faith. Next, he brought out the copperheads and rattlers and made the altar call while the choir sang Repent! 'tis the voice of Jesus.

The call was irresistible to Steve. He hopped up from his pew and hollered, "That's bonzer!" as he walked to the front of the church.

After handling Hagar, Steve was slain in the spirit and began speaking in tongues, "Well, strike me pink! I was a wanker, feeling like the dog's breakfast and now I'm fair dinkum!"

Aunt Pearl ran over and laid hands on Steve and interpreted for him, "He's sayin' - 'Look out, y'all! I wuz a jerk, feelin' real bad, and now I'm a changed man!'"

Steve was repentant and tearful as Reverend Duck prayed the Sinner's Prayer with him.

"Bugger me dead!" a jubilant Steve said, "I can't wait to share The Word with those apple eaters back home."

Yup, I was excited too. It's always nice to have Jesus in your heart when you have a rattler in your hand (and a squirrel in your trap).

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Copyright © 2001, Gravel Gertie (Angela Gillaspie)
Revised - 11/30/01
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