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Gravel Gertie's Grilled Cheese Page

Ah, the versatile and lovable grilled cheese! Did y'all know that there are endless ways to use this culinary delight?

Before I go any further, let me tell you how to make a plain grilled cheese.

  1. Get a skillet, bread, cheese, and butter - choose whatever brand, flavor, or kind that flips yer trigger. (Feeling frisky? Use pepper-jack cheese and rye. Democrat? Use smoky cheddar and sour dough bread. Republican? Use Velveeta and white bread. Tree hugger? Use soy cheese and whole-wheat bran fiber roughage bread.)
  2. While your skillet is heating up, get two pieces of bread and butter one side of them. Don't butter the cheese, it don't work that way.
  3. Buttered side out, put two slices of cheese in the middle of yer bread, and plop it in the skillet. Don't burn your fingers.
  4. Fry it on both sides until the cheese is melted and the bread is golden brown. Don't you dare press down! Nobody likes a flat grilled cheese - except for them daggum Yankees that dip their grilled cheese in ketchup.

Now that you can make a decent grilled cheese, let me tell ya what you can use it for. First off, the most obvious use for it is food. You can serve it as a:

  • Side dish. For breakfast, serve it with a generous portion of scrambled eggs, bacon, and grits. For lunch, cut it in half and serve it with some tomato soup, canned ravioli, or Momma's leftover stew. For supper: it's great to sop up pot likker from the peas and collards.
  • Main dish. Serve one or two of them with a big ol' pickle spear and some barbecue pork rinds.
  • Horse d'ovary. Cut it into purty little squares and stick in them fancy toothpicks, or you could cut it up, batter it, and deep fry it again for a double-fried grilled cheese - just the thang if you need a cholesterol boost. You could also cut it up, stir in some fried okra, peanuts, and pretzels and make Good Ol' Boy Trail Mix.
  • Topping. Chop it up fine and sprinkle over any casserole from sweet potater to squirrel.
  • Dessert. My sister Luler-Belle likes to mix it up with applesauce and possum, then serve it with ice cream. She calls it, 'Possum Alley Mode.'

Other uses for grilled cheese are:

  • Catfish bait.
  • Hostess gift or stocking stuffers.
  • Air freshener.
  • Decoy for uninvited relatives that show up at suppertime, or to hush up a whiny kid.
  • When limburger cheese is used, it can be used as a neighbor repellent during the holidays
  • If mozzarella cheese is used and it's over-cooked, you could pull it apart and use it as a slingshot.
  • Leftover grilled cheese can be chopped up and used to fertilize the rose garden.
  • If stacked, smashed, and bound, they could be used prop up the deer stand during huntin' season.
  • If left in the sun too long, poke holes in a corner, string 'em up with baling twine, and make fanciful wind chimes.
  • Uncle Booger likes to use ground up grilled cheese for his hair pomade.
  • Drop some leftover sandwiches at the edge of the woods and then do some target practice on the varmints it attracts - just make sure you use a BB gun in case Uncle Booger shows up.
  • With some shellac and gold spray paint, you could have some real purty artwork.

I hope I showed y'all how useful a grilled cheese is. Ya know, with the holidays coming up, these idears will come in real handy on how to feed and gift all them relatives that drop in to sit a spell.

Happy Grilled Cheese Grillin'!



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Last Revised - 09/08/2009
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