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Gertie Tells the Tale About Truck Hanky Panky

By: Gravel Gertie (Angela Gillaspie ©2001 - 2008)

There I was just doing my research for my next subject - them odious varmints called solicitors - when I got this here email:

Gertie,

I am a Yankee deserter. I moved to the South by choice. I love it down here in Georgia. I got me a new boyfriend and he likes to "do it" in the field in the truck. It makes him crazy. What is it about southern men and "getting some" in the old pick-up? Northern men tend to prefer beds or the couch or floor or shower....why?

Thank you.

Pam

What an interesting subject! I ain't never thought about it much, but ol' Pam has a point: Southern boys do like to get intimate in their trucks. It ain't just the single men either, married men also like to put a little Conway Twitty on the tape player and get down to some serious lovin' in the back of the pick-up.

Well, I put away my research on telemarketers and started thinking real deep about this truck hanky panky thang.

First off, speaking as a woman of the south, I have to admit riding next to my sweetie in his pick-up is a real exhilarating experience like the times I lovingly reach across the cab and brush the pork rind crumbs out of his moustache. Lookin' over at his handsome tanned face while the warm wind blows in through the winders carrying the scent of freshly cut grass and chicken poop - plus the humidity gluing my butt to the vinyl seat makes me feel ... well ... as wild as a peach orchard hog.

Just being in a pick-up gets you to feeling all tingly and stuff. Of course, I've found that not many Yankee folks feel this same way. One reason for this could be that not as many Yankee fellers drive pick-ups as Southern boys do. Now, I could write pages and pages about a Southern boy's love for his pick-up, but the simple reason pick-ups are so popular down here is because they are so versatile:

There's lots more, but let's talk about those sentimental reasons Southern boys like pick-ups:

And that just scratches the surface.

I asked a few of my male buddies about doin' it in a truck and here's what a couple of them said:

It appears to me that Yankee boys might be afraid of getting' nekkid in the great outdoors. Heck, anybody could do it on the front porch couch, in the shower, and even on the supper table - just ask ol' Gertie, but outside parked in a big pasture in the back of a 4-by-4? Woof.

Just imagine the earthy aroma of cow manure wafting in on the gentle evening breeze, the hum of the cicadas soothing your soul as those Southern stars romantically outline the Craftsman® toolbox next to your lover's head.

Shoot, them daggum Yankee boys don't know what they're missing!


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