"You're in my heart - you're in my soul, if you were a burger, I'd be the roll."

My eleven-year-old daughter, Ashley, gushed as she read me this love poem from her latest boyfriend. I wasn't too worried because at this age, boyfriends are like Granny's crystal sculpture of Elvis - best shown off and not touched. But a few days later, she exploded from the bus and squealed, "LOOK! It's Bubba's," as she waved a class ring in my face.

"Bubba who? What's he doing with a class ring? Did he give it to you? What's his social security number?" I asked as I made a mental note to run a background check on this Bubba-kid.

"Middle-schoolers get class rings now, and no, he didn't GIVE it to me - he let me borrow it. He said I could keep it as long as I wanted."

"How long will you want it?" I asked.

"Until after the Valentine's dance."

I see now. She was using the fine art of male manipulation. I'm not surprised, she's been manipulating her younger brothers for years. Southern girls learn at an early age how to get what we want. The right tone of voice and coy smile make guys give us flowers and carry us over mud puddles. (Of course, Ashley simply uses brute force to get what she wants from her younger brothers.)

"Bubba's my date for the dance," she said.

Her dad burst her bubble, "Don't forget Momma's going with you and you can't date until you're 30. AND you'll give that ring back tomorrow - I remember being eleven and I know what he's thinking," he (the omniscient and omnipotent one) said.

Ah yes, young love - I remember how exciting (and fleeting) it was. I had my first brush with love when I was in second grade. Just like my daughter, I got off the bus, ran straight to Momma and gasped, "Kenny tried to kiss me and I smacked him right in the MOUTH!"

When I was in 6^th grade, I got my first love note from a cute bucktoothed boy named Chris. It said:

I checked the 'yes' box and sent it back to him. At recess, he asked, "Do you want to GO with me?" I nodded.

That evening I told Momma, "I'm GOING with Chris!"

"Where?"

"You know, GOING with him!"

"Where?"

I didn't tell her about the 'sweat' note, I mean, if she didn't understand I was GOING with him, she surely wouldn't understand how sweat I was.

Unfortunately, GOING with someone was a great responsibility. You had to sit next to them at lunch, pass them notes in study hall, and meet them at the water fountain during recess. All your friends knew you were GOING with each other and kept you aware of what your significant other was doing, wearing, and thinking. "Chris ate all his carrots!" "Chris wore his green shirt today - why didn't you wear yours?" "Chris stared at Darlene, are you mad?"

Two days after checking 'yes,' I broke up with Chris because GOING with someone was too hard. Young love can really make you sweat. Speaking of sweat, I talked my husband into allowing Ashley to keep the ring for a little while - if she could handle the pressure.

At the dance, Bubba walked up and Ashley introduced us. I was impressed. His shirt was pressed and didn't have stains, he wore clean slacks, his hair was neatly combed, and it looked like he bathed recently. He told me hi, and then gave Ashley several gifts: a long-stemmed white rose, a large box of chocolates, a mushy card, a sterling silver heart necklace, a really cool fuzzy ink pen, and a white teddy bear. Wow, this was serious!

Every now and then, Ashley strolled by and grinned at me. Once during a slow song, she found me on the dance floor and whispered, "My friends keep telling me to slow dance and I don't want to! I just feel --," she looked at a couple nearby, "--funny about it."

Nodding, I reached over and smacked an eighth grader's hands off of his partner's bottom - I didn't blame Ashley for feeling funny, and to be honest, I didn't want Bubba feeling anything either.

During the drive home she said, "Bubba broke up with me."

I asked, "Do you want me to pound him now or wait 'til later?"

She laughed, "Oh no, I wanted to be friends. Having a boyfriend is too much trouble."

Yep. She's learning that even if the roll fits the burger, it probably won't have a long shelf life.

Stay tuned for more SouthernAngel's Lovely Stories!