In His Hands

By: Angela Gillaspie © March 1999

In every mom's life, there are times when we worry. The things we worry about are sometimes trivial and sometimes heart stopping. We worry over money, illnesses, past mistakes, and future endeavors. Our children fall, cry, and hurt, and most of the time we are there to dry tears and hold them to comfort them.

As I was standing in the kitchen wondering what I could prepare for dinner, Nicky, my two-year-old son, staggered in the doorway complaining that he couldn't walk. Him and his five-year-old brother were in the living room giggling and jumping around, so I thought he was just being silly. I picked him up kissed his neck and set him back down, so I could reach the dried beans in the cupboard.

He went to walk out the door and smashed his head into the side of the doorway. Before he had a chance to cry, I scooped him up and off to his bedroom to rock him and look at the angry welt beginning to rise on his forehead. For ten minutes or so, we rocked and talked about his 'boo-boo', and then he said he felt better. I put him down to walk out of the room and he took one step, grabbed for the wall and fell down. He couldn't walk! It was as if he had been spun in circles and had to hold onto something in order to keep from falling down.

His sister arrived home from elementary school very shortly after this and then we rushed him to the pediatrician's office. On the way, I called my husband so that he could meet us. Our pediatrician was very concerned with Nicky's imbalance and he could only guess at the source of the dizziness. He recommended that the Ear, Nose, and Throat (ENT) doctor examine Nicky's inner ear tomorrow when he went in for a check up. (Just a week before, "Super Nicky" broke his nose by diving off of a dining room chair and hitting the couch.)

The following day, Nicky was still staggering when I took him to the ENT. The ENT examined Nicky's nose and found it to be healing nicely, but the he didn't know what to do about Nicky's dizziness. He couldn't perform a lengthy examination of Nicky's inner ears due to the time of day, and he was going to consult with our pediatrician on the course of action.

I arrived home feeling good for the nose but still concerned about the dizziness. Later that afternoon, I received a telephone call from our pediatrician's office notifying me that they made an appointment for Nicky to see a neurologist the next day. I was totally out of my mind with fear. Everything seemed to be happening so fast. Nicky didn't stagger any more by that afternoon, he was alert, giggling, singing -- your typical active two-year-old. I had hives, I could not eat, and my red-rimmed eyes were sore from crying.

The next morning, I was fretting, and all that worrisome Mommy stuff; I had been praying and crying and praying and crying. I sat down at the computer to try and get some work done and to take my mind off of the chest-crushing fear I felt for Nicky and his exam that afternoon. Nicky settled in behind me with his green crayon and his coloring book. Next, I heard Nicky's little high-pitched voice singing: "He's got Niiiii-keeey in His hands! He's got Niiiiii-keeeeey in His hands! He's got Nicky IN HIS HANDS."

My mouth dropped open as I slowly turned to look at this sweet innocent child giving me my own personal message from God. It was a wake-up call, you know, "Hello, Angela? This is God. Stop worrying. I have Nicky in My hands." Sure enough, Nicky turned out fine. He had a rare case of twenty-four hour vertigo from bouncing around in the living room with his brother.

Why couldn't I just "let go and let God"? In Matthew chapter six, verse 27, as Jesus preached His Sermon on the Mount, I am reminded, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" We cannot do this, nor can we add a single hour to a loved one's life by worrying. What we can do is have faith and pray.

My own emotional God created me in His image. I have fear, I endure sadness, I have anger, and I feel joy. I don't believe that God was angry with me for worrying for He knew that I trusted Him. God gently reminded me that He was near and had everything in His hands.

The next time that you feel overwhelmed by life, strife, and the unknown, be comforted and remember that you are in His loving hands.

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