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Southern Humor

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Southern Humor

Winter precipitation is rare in L.A. - Lower Alabama. When we hear that it might be on the way, we celebrate by having Winter Weather Hysteria!

It's scary living in Tornado Alley during the spring, but when you get trapped a small basement room with relatives, it's downright frightening! Read about my Relative Air Pressure!

The weather here in the South has made a Weather Watcher out of me!

Edwin Denby said, "There is a bit of insanity in dancing that does everybody a great deal of good," and maybe that explains why I should've done more Shower Dancin' in my youth.

Traveling? Visit historic and fun Lake Winnepesaukah.

Have you ever noticed the expressions on people's faces when they are dancing? What is that? Pain? Joy? I explore the fascinating subject of backwoods bars rats in: Gather 'Round All You Redneck Mothers!

Do jerks know they are being jerks? For my latest jerk research read my The Taming of the Jerk!

Did you ever wonder what the Super Heroes would do if they ever got bored? Find out in Super Heroes Fight Boredom.

Critter 'n Varmint Humor

Groucho Marx said, "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana." This illuminating quote is true for some, but I like to say, "Time flies when you're having fun; May Flies scare sisters." Exactly how is explained in June Bugs and May Flies.

Benjamin Franklin said there was nothing certain in this world except death and taxes. While this is true for some folks, there is a certainty in my life that not many city slickers - including the honorable Mr. Franklin - encounter very often: The Certainty of Critters

Every home should have at least one pooter. Why? Read my: Ode to a Pooter.

Normally, visiting the lavatory at 4am is uneventful, except for when you marry someone who Dances With Squirrels!

Of Mice and Momma: My dad built the part-cedar, part-cinderblock, part-lumber, part-whazzit house I grew up in. His continual on-again-off-again-forgot-again construction allowed for many critters to take up residence.

I'd like to introduce you to my Uncle Oscar and some of his new friends in, "Uncle Oscar and the Possums."

Poor old Uncle Oscar had some smelly visitors. Read his triumphant (tragic?) story at: Uncle Oscar Confronts the Pole Cats.

I wanted homemade beans, but wasn't prepared for the horror of: The Weevil Within!

Oh Rats! There was an uninvited guest in my home.

Since my encounter with a mouse, I've questioned my reaction and my imagination has run away with me! Mouse Play.

"Mice Wars: The Phantom Menace" Just another (and hopefully last) evil visitor that provided entertainment for many!

Redneck Women & Chillun

I'm surprised that I ever found a husband. Read all about my Country Courtin'!

It's been a long time since I've had to buy underwear and that's how I discovered that I'm a Kept Woman!

What makes me tick? Read about my Hillbilly Heritage!

I am the Queen of Kudzu!

To some, it's "war paint," to others, it's "putting on makeup," to me, it's "Painting the Barn.".

My 20th High School reunion prompted a mid-life crisis, read about my Viper Red Mid-life Gift!

All I wanted was silky hair! Check out: A Hair-Greasing Experience

Do I really have a Gifted Child? Why sure! Here's how to Care for an Officially Gifted Southern Child!

Hey, wanna cool off, but don't know how? Click HERE!

Redneck Parodies

My neighbor's dog, Lucy, was digging in my garden and inspired this parody! Lucy Diggin' Holes in my Garden.

Funny writer Keith Sanvidge and I have revised an old Sonny and Cher hit and renamed it: "Hit the Snooze, Babe"

Like Dr. Seuss? Here's my take on " One Fish, Two Fish, My Fish is Fried Catfish - Part 1

Read on for One Fish ... Part 2

Read on for One Fish ... Part 3

I'm tired of all the squirrels in the walls, so why can't anyone Make the Squirrel Go Away?

Memoirs

Digging through the dirt in my garden, I remembered the simple lessons that farming taught me as a Child in the Garden.

Poor February. Not only does this month have the fewest days, it is the most under-appreciated and unpopular month of the year.

The dog days of summer have all kinds of fascinating superstitions and oddities, the oddest one being how I kept ending up in the doghouse! Read why in "Doggone Doghouse Days of Summer"!

Sure the little children have suffered but these kids nowadays just don't know how good they have it! I believe it's Suffer the Little Old Folks now!

Got a couch? They're used for more than mere sitting - they're a social necessity being used for anything like, a conversational piece, sleeping place for angry spouses, a trysting place, a loafing place and a porch decoration. Read more: Sofa Loafin' to share!

Here are some pictures of the changing leaves in my backyard ... Backyard: Autumn 2003

Summer is like a sanctuary from school, read my short summertime memoir: Sanctuary of Summertime

Is Labor Day about labor? Why celebrate work? Find out by reading The Labors of Labor Day.

Back when I was young, Halloween was so simple. There wasn't any occult hoo-doo scary stuff, but just obnoxious silliness and fun. Read more in Trick or Treat - Smell My Feet.

Folklore, Fantasy and Downright Fibbin'

Deciding what and when to plant, and which plant to put it next to could be the difference between fat happy squash or shriveled sad squash. You'd be surprised at all the Garden Fertilizer that's out there for you!

Uniting two families is a big deal and there are many traditions, superstitions, and rites that must be followed or you'll might end up on the Jerry Springer show. Learn all about Matrimonial Lore here.

The mysterious connection between UFOs, Kung-Fu and over-indulgence of alcohol is REVEALED for the first time ever as two *real* rednecks rip the lid off another government conspiracy, or a case of cold ones, whichever comes first. Burp. "The Great Kung Fu Conspiracy - a Short Story."

What a nightmare! Darlene just wanted to exchange her jeans at the Marty-Mart ... see what happens in this tale of horror at the Discount Store Terror!

Can absence make the heart grow fonder? It sure makes the teeth grow longer, the hair thinner, and other stuff. Pet-Pet misses her Booger - who has been locked away in the Georgia Big House. See: Pet-Pet's Lament

I had a dream - or did I? See what it's like to be A Redneck Ms. American!

Ever watch the "World's Scariest Places" reality show? I did. Once. Click on over to An American Redneck in London to see what it would be like if a family of Southerners visited a haunted castle!

We've all heard of Urban Legends, but I've got some Suburban Legends to share!

I have experienced a horrifying journey or was it funny?!

Politickin'

Sittin' Purty Alabama is trying to make it illegal to have a heap in your yard!

Oh, the horrors of this election. Read my humorous (and short) take how the media goes nuts on recounts, press conferences, and acne in Boiling Over!

An honest election? Yeah right. Check out: "The Politics of Voting"