Dear Janie Lynn, chances are that your poor ol' Granny is hurtin' real bad plus feeling sorry for herself. Getting old is nasty, depressing, and just plain unhealthy. Even if you can't make her hip feel better, make her heart feel better by bringing her some Metamucil coupons and a Dale Earnhardt ball cap.

Dear Merlene, I had to get my gallbladder taken out too, but I didn't have stones. My gallbladder just stopped working, kinda like my second husband, Elwin. Anyway, the doctor told me that the most common folks that get gallbladder problems are: Female, Fat, Fertile, and Forty. When I argued that weighing 125 pounds didn't classify me as fat, the doctor shrugged and said, "Well, thar's always exceptions, but most women that've had a couple of kids and are near 40 are most liable to get gallbladder disease, sugar." Whispering he added, "Women that fart a lot get gallbladder problems, too."

Dear Paula, well hon, I think whippin' out them jugs in public would be pushing it. What I suggest is for Arty to pack them jugs in a cooler and put 'em in the back of the pickup. If the urge to take a whiz hits him while y'all are eatin', he can excuse himself, take the cooler over behind the tree and shake the dew off his lily into the jug. Remind him to wash his hands after all that, Lord knows men don't like to clean up after doing their business.

Winona hon, your dad is only 55 and he's been doing that stuff for years. Tell him to lay off the Jim Beam. If I were you, I'd only start to worry if he ever put sugar on his grits.

Dear Ernestine, nah, you don't need a knee replacement surgery to have something to complain about. Try these topics:

• Kids and grandkids that don't ever visit
• Infrequent bowel movements
• Being sick and tired of being sick and tired
• How you wished you could eat ice cream without farting and scaring the dog
• How you wished you had a better memory (unless it has to do with how Darla stole your sweet potato pie recipe and won first place at the fair back in '74)

Dear Florence, of course I do! Try these neat games:

• With washable pens, the kids can try to find hidden animals in your varicose veins.
• Instead of a water balloon fight, the kids could get a couple pairs of your incontinence drawers, soak 'em in water, and throw 'em at each other while you give them points for splat-ability and accuracy.
• Have contests to see which grandbaby can figure out what you came into the kitchen for.
• Have a guessing game to pick which hurts you the worst: your feet, knee, hip, or shoulder.
• The kids can draw pictures of the foods that you ain't supposed to eat.