By: Angela Gillaspie © Early August 2001

In a month - give or take a week or so - my fourth child will be born.

After enduring a miscarriage four years ago, being diagnosed with endometriosis, and then trying to conceive for over a year, I've approached this pregnancy with a mixture of anxiety, fear, awe, excitement, and uneasiness.

Each month after several false positive pregnancy tests and many let downs, I remember praying with hope, "Lord, your will is perfect - please give me the strength to handle your choice for me."

When the final pregnancy test was confirmed by my obstetrician, I praised God, yet I held back some joy because I expected this pregnancy to end in tragedy. I continued to ask God for strength, and allowed myself to hope.

My obstetrician ordered several blood tests and one of them came back with abnormal results and more tests yielded more strange results. Fear ran through me like ice slipping down my spine, but I tried to remain calm with hope.

About the fifth month or so of my pregnancy, the nervous hives and insomnia finally got to me. On my knees one night, I gave it all to God. We talked like old friends rehashing my previous healthy pregnancies, the miscarriage, my infertility, etc. Both crying and laughing, I admitted to God that it was hard for me to let go and let Him handle my worries. Being a control freak, it's hard for me to turn the reins over to someone else.

Of course, this wasn't just anyone that I was trusting with my load - this was God. He is my father and He never breaks His promises - He is faithful. Hebrews 10:23 reminds me, "Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful."

So, I simply handed over my fear and worries to God and to this day I hold solidly to the hope I profess. God is in control. He never forgets why He walked into a room, He never promises milk and then gives out water, He never runs late for swimming lessons, and He will never let me down.

As I count down the last weeks of my pregnancy, I don't know what will happen, but I do know that my Father will take care of me ... and this small miracle rolling around behind my belly button.

Each day I face with hope.

-30-

Stay tuned for more SouthernAngel devotionals!