By: Angela Gillaspie © April 2005 All Rights Reserved

Proverbs 10:1, "... A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish son grief to his mother."

Mother's Day is a nice holiday, but it isn't quite one of those cushy weekday government holidays when folks get to sleep late, the banks are closed, and there's no mail delivery. Still, the second Sunday in May is put aside for everyone to honor poor old Mom.

As a kid, I never could figure out why there wasn't a Daughter's Day or maybe a Child's Day or something so that I could get flowers, candy, cash, and maybe a new Barbie - I could use an old one to stake up a tomato plant! See how worthy of honor I was?

Sure, I figured my momma was deserving of a special day, I mean, she worked long hours and still managed to cook supper for the five of us most nights, even though it was yucky old vegetables. Money was tight and she made sure her three daughters had nice clean clothes to wear - albeit she made us iron our clothes and wear half-slips under our skirts to church.

All through history, people set aside a day to honor mothers. Natives danced nekkid around trees, the early English had a Mothering Sunday and gave Dear Mom a 'Mothering Cake,' and here in the U.S. after constant nagging from suffragists and moms everywhere, President Woodrow Wilson made Mother's Day a national observance every year.

Everyone has a mom - yes, even those we thought that hatched from an ugly egg - but do moms really deserve a day of recognition?

Moms have always nurtured, sacrificed, and baked cakes for their offspring. Just take a look at Jesus' mom Mary - she's so famous that if your buttermilk biscuit looked like her, you could sell it on eBay and earn a small fortune. Elvis Presley's mom, Gladys wasn't really famous, but since Elvis was a momma's boy, he thought she hung the moon.

Gladys Love Presley walked Elvis to school every day until he started high school, plus the two of them had this strange baby talk that only they could understand. Maybe that explains all those oohs, uh huh huhs, and yayee yahs in Elvis's songs.

Remember Mr. Rogers of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood? He loved his mom so much that he wore the sweaters she knitted for him on his show when he sang to us about being a good neighbor.

With all the motherly rearing comes motherly advice. I always wondered if Mary got frustrated with Jesus and said, "Shut that door, were you born in a barn?" Or if the founder of the Home Depot store's mom told him, "Move out of the way, you make a better door than a window!"

I can't count the times Momma told me:

• "Don't make that face/cross your eyes or it'll freeze like that!"
• "What do you think - money grows on trees?"
• "Did we get up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?"
• "Lord child, you're gonna be the death of me yet!"
• "Don't make me come back there!"
• "How many times do I have to tell you - NO!"
• "If all your friends jumped in a lake, would you jump too?"
• "You can catch more flies with honey than you can with vinegar."

She also advised about fashion:

• "Get out of that tree while you're wearing that dress! What'll the neighbors think?"
• "Never wear white past Labor Day, it just ain't right. Well, unless you're getting married."

There were several suggestions she had regarding food:

• "We have two choices on tonight's menu: take it or leave it."
• "Your eyes are bigger than your stomach."
• "Eat your supper, think of all them little starving orphans."
• "You ate all that? You must have a hollow leg!"

And you know she had something to say about hygiene:

• "Don't put that in your mouth - there's no tellin' where it's been!"
• "Always wear clean underwear, ya never know when you'll be in an accident."
• "There's enough dirt in your ears to grow taters!"
• "If you're gonna do something, then it's worth doin' right!"

Since I was the only one of her three daughters that played with bugs, I knew for a fact that honey didn't catch flies, and neither did vinegar. Just once, I wanted to correct her and say, "You can catch more flies with a dead possum than you can with honey," but I just kept quiet.

Stay tuned for more of Southern Angel's moanin' momma stories!