By: Angela Gillaspie Copyright © August 2002

I can't believe it. My oldest child - my only daughter - my Little Princess - is in Middle School. She has many new responsibilities now, like getting braces, changing classes, remembering her locker combination and applying deodorant more than once a week.

On top of all of this pressure, she's going to her first dance tonight. My husband and I did some soul-searching and decided that I would go with Ashley and be a chaperone. (I also won the best two out of three games playing Rock-Scissors-Paper.)

I don't think I have to worry too much, because she's more interested in catching lizards than catching boys. I reckon having three younger brothers spoiled her curiosity about the opposite sex. Even though she knows how disgusting, smelly, and rude they are at times, I know that peer pressure can make a girl do silly things. I will be the all-seeing, all-knowing parental presence at the dance.

Be afraid.

Of course, I don't want to drive her away from me, so the two of us sat down and made a list of no-nos.

Things she should NOT do:

• Go outside without me.
• Kiss, hold hands, or touch a boy - they have cooties. Kicking, pushing, and biting are OK (when needed).

I mentioned that if she slow danced with a boy, I would be watching his hands and if they go anywhere they shouldn't, I'll be on him like flies on a pig.

The list of rules for me was a bit bigger.

Things I should NOT say in front of her friends:

• "Isn't it great that you can wear a REAL bra now?"
• "Which outfit for Barbie do you want this Christmas?"
• "See?! No one cares if I won't let you shave your legs yet."
• "Did you wash your hands after going potty?"
• "I better pick off the pepperoni on my pizza - it gives me gas."
• "Isn't he the one that eats his boogers?"

Things I should NOT do in front of her friends (or anyone else she knows or anyone that might remotely know her):

• Sing along loudly to the music - especially if I don't know the words.
• Dance, much less dance with any teacher (especially the principal).
• Make a kissy face any time a boy talks to her.
• Bring her brothers.
• Show her friends how to make whimsical music under their arms using a simple straw.
• Walk around with a video recorder and narrate, "Lookie! There's Mommy's Princess! Isn't she cute talking to her little friends?"
• Become introspective about my youth in the 70's and teach her friends how to do the Hustle and the Bump.

• Request the DJ to play "Cat Scratch Fever" or "Sir Duke" or "Copacabana."

And as an afterthought, she asked, "Mom, you're not going to write about this are you?"

Uh oh.

Stay tuned for more SouthernAngel's lessons!