By: Angela Gillaspie © April 2002-2017

I heard on the news recently that the Alabama legislature is considering banning motorists from using handheld cell phones. Many other states are debating this issue, plus several countries have prohibited using a cell phone while driving. The main reason for this is a 1997 study reported in the New England Journal of Medicine that indicated that drivers were four times more likely to have automobile accidents while using cellular phones - that's about the same as driving while intoxicated. The bottom line of this study was that if you are on the phone, then you aren't paying enough attention to the road. [Whoops! I accidentally pulled out in front of that guy - I better put this laptop away.]

OK, I can see the basic reason for this law: to help folks that lack common sense. Our government did the same thing when they created the seatbelt law because they didn't think the average person was intelligent enough to figure out that strapping on a seatbelt would keep them from wearing the steering wheel or windshield as fashion accessories.

Cell phones aside, there are bunches of distractions to the driver. Here are a few things that have distracted me in my two decades of driving.

• Children. This is my number one distraction. They cry, scream, fight, moan, and whine. You can bet that I'm not watching the road when I'm turning around and blindly pointing my finger at the backseats yelling, "Stop it or I'll turn this car around RIGHT NOW!"
• Personal hygiene. Applying make up and fixing hair are something we women will always do while we're behind the wheel. You can't expect us to avoid looking into the rearview mirror over and over on bad hair/big zit days; it just isn't possible. Also, when I sneeze (or get one of those annoying whistling boogers), it is distracting - especially when I try to discreetly pick my nose to keep the other drivers from knowing what I'm doing. Keeping the tissue box close to my seat helps. What's really distracting is watching other drivers pick their collective noses - I almost hit the buggy rack at Wal-Mart the other day just watching and waiting to see if the booger was consumed.
• Music. Boy, when AC/DC's 'You Shook Me All Night Long' or Third Day's latest comes on the radio, I can't help but whack the steering wheel to the beat. Since I'm getting older, it's getting harder to see the road as I flip my hair and bob my head up and down - it also makes me dizzy sometimes.
• Food and drinks. Eating and drinking often result in spilled food items. When nachos and cheese fall into my purse, you can be certain that I'm distracted from driving.
• Critters. I learned the hard way that it's less distracting to put the cat in the carrier when visiting the vet. Having him howl in my ear as he sticks his tail up my nose was causing me to be less aware of the road. By far, the worst critter to have in your car is a wasp that wants to fly down your shirt.
• Bad smells. Sudden smells can startle the driver and initiate arguments among passengers, e.g., "Who farted?" "Was that a dead possum or skunk?"
• Thoughts. Driving along the road, I've often found myself in the middle of a deep thought (and in the middle of the road). Thoughts like, "Wouldn't it be funny if Rusty Wallace [number 2 car in Winston series] was sponsored by Ex-lax?" "What if I wrote a humor column about distractions in the car?" "I wonder if Travis Tritt uses a conditioner?" And there are the sudden thoughts like, "Did I put on deodorant?" that can distract me almost enough to slam on my brakes.

With all of the distractions that a driver faces, maybe the government should try and educate the driver about these distractions before he or she receives a driver's license. Unfortunately, many motorists don't have enough sense to know that they shouldn't change clothes, shave, read maps, or shop on eBay while they are driving. Or write columns. Don't do that. Not that I do that - anymore.

I don't like the government legislating common sense, but sometimes it's needed. You never know - you just might encounter a driver refereeing her fighting kids, dancing along to Tom Jones, munching on a dripping burrito, and clipping her toenails as she calls home and then forgets why she called there in the first place. Blow your horn and wave - I've had a bad day.

Stay tuned for more SouthernAngel's distracted stories!