By: Coach Angela Gillaspie Spring Season 2003
There will be times when you'll hear ugly stuff out on the playing field. Kids talk this way for two reasons:
- They don't know any better. Apparently their parents didn't teach them how to behave in public, so you should feel sorry for those kids. They probably have problems fastening their pants and keeping those pesky boogers from dangling out their noses.
- They are immature. They think by calling you a "@#$&#@! head" it'll get you so upset you'll stop kicking the ball and let them win. Yeah right.
Knowing why they talk the way they do still won't help your feelings, right? Well, I've decided to make a list of comebacks for you to use when you happen to find yourself the victim of a trash-talker (TT).
If the TT yells profanity at you, try:
- And you EAT with that mouth!
- Did your Momma teach you those words?
- What a great vocabulary you have - for a second-grader.
- How do you spell that?
- Did you forget to take your medication today?
- Ah, I see you've set aside this special game to humiliate yourself in front of everyone.
- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
If the TT insults your appearance, try:
- Okay, so you think I'm fat. I think you're ugly! At least I can diet.
- You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
- I'll try being nicer if you try being smarter.
- What am I? A magnet for freaks?
- Your teeth are brighter than you are.
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- Nothing you say can offend me - I only get offended by things that make sense.
- I won't get angry with you today - it's "Be Kind to Animals" week.
- I know you're trying to insult me, but I know you like me. I can see your tail wagging.
- That's funny you calling me an animal, and it's you that has the webbed feet.
- You look familiar too, but that's not surprising, I collect bugs for a hobby.
- You look familiar, haven't I seen you hanging from your tail in my backyard?
- Didn't I dissect you in biology class one time?
If the TT insults anything else, try:
- I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
- I like you! You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- I can see your point, but you're still wrong.
- No, my soccer powers can only be used for good.
- I don't care how nice you ask, NO I won't be your girl/boyfriend!
- If I said anything to offend you, it was perfectly intentional.
I hope these help, if not then try the old standby of just ignoring them - it gets them every time.
